I was bit by a little ratdog today in the backwoods of south kakalaki. yes, a ratdog, one of those little red haired puff balls that people call dogs. It all started innocently as my life as a medical equipment provider in which i help those who are home bound and in need of assistance. Any kind of assistance, from getting their mail to providing them a proper fitting wheelchair. Over the last two decades i have been in more houses than the average census bureau mailer. I have been in multi million dollar houses, suburbia neighborhood houses, mill houses, to the single wides that one has to kick the chickens away from the front door to get in. Not just in the dwellings of all of America, but conversing with every homeowner, renter, and squatter that resides there. I have been a news paper boy, lawn service representative, gutter cleaner, dick van patten triple pain window salesman, cable guy, and medical equipment rep. i have put myself into some vicarious situations to say the least. i thrive for it. something new, the real thing, my own reality tv show with me as the producer, main character, supporting actor, and the sound chief. Just when you think you have seen it all you reach the next place of refuge and you realize you have seen absolutely nothing. And i mean NOTHING. My wife loves to hear of my daily escapades but has become desensitized from the utter brilliance and originality of it all. so here i am spilling the beans of what happened between me the windshield and a few hundred miles of driving over gods creation to witness beauty only found in the eye of the beholder.
Today i found beauty in the dog that bit me. I was driving my big bad silver dodge sport mini van up to my last patients home of the day. the only thing cool of my mini van is the little Jamaica flag sticker i have on the back window, a reminder of days that are forever etched into my soul, but that's for another day. As i pulled into the gravel mud driveway that circled around the double wide all i could hear were varmints barking even with my headphones blaring the Beatles on Pandora from my blackberry.
I have two dogs of my own, large dogs that one would never mistaken for anything but a dog. These particular animals, four or five of them, i figured were tamed rats or some kind of cross between a ferret and a large squirrel..Perfectly harmless i thought except for the screeching of a noise they made between their razor vampire bat like fangs. The patient i came to see yelled out the door "don't worry, they don't bite!" famous last words..
i got in the front door fine, then all hell broke loose and they cornered me. i started having flashbacks from grade school when my best friend sicked his dog on me and watched me hide behind his closet door while his dog tried his best to take a chunk out of my ass. my best friend was laughing hysterically till his mom came in and threw a shoe at him and that little mutt that had me cornered.. we are still friends to this day believe it or not, but that is only because i got revenge by inviting him over to hold my cat really close to his face, "because the cat will purr really loud if you do it" My friend still has a few scars to this day.
Anyhooos as i was having flashbacks one of the ratdogs, that didn't bite, took a chunk out of my leg. the black one, that looked like a doberman pincher on reverse steroids and about the size of a size 8 shoe, attempted to take a piece out of my ankle. "sir, your dog just bit me" i was ready for him to tell me that it wasn't his dog and i was inspector clusso. he replied, "that one has never bit anyone". As i grimaced in pain, i said, "so i guess your other three dogs have?" don't worry, they have all had their shots! don't worry isn't going to help my imminent infection or blood from ceasing to drip on the floor, but i felt better knowing i perhaps wouldn't be foaming at the mouth later that night. as i pulled out of the red clay gravel drive waving bye and wondering how i had the strength not to boot the pooch through the ceiling when it bit me, i thought "when he said they had their shots, can i really trust his word that those varmints weren't rabid in the first place? were those really dogs? and did that REALLY just happen?" I put the Beatles back on listened to "let it be" and i knew every little thing was going to be alright, even if i did have rabies.
One love road warriors,
Peace
