Cologne Bandits
the company i had been working with for the last ten years was not only a causality of the war on terror, but was in a sketchy part of town. we had the occasional panhandlers, the guys sleeping on our back door step, and the weekly prostitutes strutting by our showroom window. However, we were never broken into, threatened, or even scared of the neighbors that that we communed with. so i thought moving to another sketchy part of town with another company would be the same old daily oddities. Boy was i dead wrong!
we have been broken into three times in the last month. the first time they kicked our window to our office in and took my two computers.. they left the monitors mind you, just took the hard drives.. no alarm sounded because someone had forgot to set it.. oh well, been set ever since and still has not deterred the bastards. they attempted to hot wire the work van as well..no such luck but they got my delivery drivers cologne! yes, they took his cologne, a power drill, and a GPS system.. funny the first time ... but three times later it is getting a bit boring.
the second time they broke into our phone box and clipped our phone lines because they new we had not forgotten to set the alarm, peeked through the window and noticed the alarm was still activated... so what did they do? tried to hot wire the friekin van again! no luck, just messed up the steering column, mashed up the key entry senseless and took my delivery drivers cologne! what could be so special about this cologne anyway??,,, is it the lost chanel #7 or some rare charlie bottle from the 80's.. hell i don't know, never been a cologne guy.. only wore it in high school once just because i had been doing beer bongs all night. i stuck to the old spice.. who wears cologne anyway.?. oh yea, the idiots that have tried to steal my van three freaking times! the second attempt was kinda funny cause all they got was the cologne and scared off because the alarm was actually set this time!
ok, the third attempted grand larceny... the cologne bandits strike again.!. this time they mangled the steering mechanism of the van again after forcing our locks out of the doors to get in. they had 0 luck again, but they got another bottle of cologne! at this point i am really starting to wonder more about my delivery guy with the endless bottles of cologne than the idiots that are swiping it from him.. good god, these must be some stinky scoundrels to go through 3 bottles of cologne over a one month period.. yes three robberies in one month.. makes you want to camp out on your roof and wait for the stu's to come back and just snipe them out of their misery.
this time i guess they were so frustrated they couldn't figure out how to hot wire the van for the THIRD time, or so high on cologne fumes that they decided to kick the window of our building in again... alarm sounded, police came, and bandits gone with the cologne.. end of story.. police said best thing to do was to "put bars on our windows and park our van somewhere else".. wow.. brilliant..
i think i am just going to start leaving a bottle of cologne at my front door step once a month with a note that reads "please take our cologne, we have nothing else, and if you haven't figured out how to hot wire our van after the third time you really probably don't have enough brains to figure out how to drive the damn thing anyway.."
