Dantes Inferno "the lost chapter"

I didn't realize that watching the last episode of "Pawn Stars" about Dante's Inferno, by Gustave Dore, with my seven and nine year old boys was a true epiphany of the six gruelling hours of an hour and a half movie of "Eclipse". yes, I thought I had entered Dante's version of hell on a ladder called "A Never Ending Teenage Tease Fest." the movie could have been summed up in five minutes if they would have cut out all the foreplay. With all those parts cut it would have just been a fight between a couple of wolves and some really pale white guys! then they could have named it "Extreme Pale Man vs White Fang".
Thank god for the sushi bar next door where I knocked down a nice bottle of unfiltered chilled Saki.. ahhhhh the high lite, the sushi, 22oz Sapporo, the Saki. it made six hours of mind numbing memories of high school "without fangs" bearable. someone even brought a three year old into the movie who cried incessantly throughout. i wanted to cry as well. the only smart one in the whole damn theatre was the three year old trying to escape from the utter boredom. Poor child is probably warped for life. will sleep with their parents till they are 16, and will dress in black the rest of their miserable mortal existence.
OK, so the vampire fans out there are saying I'm shallow, a bit old, irrelevant, just don't get it. I'm good with that. to each their own, next time i am sticking to my Saki going home, watching Pawn Stars with the kids and remembering Dante really does have a place for everyone, even it they are immortal..