Truck Stop Heaven

So whose job is it to refill the condom machine at the truck stop? what is that show?, "worlds dirtiest jobs or deadliest jobs?" i don't know but the condom guy has to have both and live on the ultimate edge. every truck stop i seem to stop at always has that fort knox titanium condom box hung right in front of the jon. You have have no choice but to read whats in it or whose name and number is etched into the metal. I mean having your number for a good time on the bathroom stall wall is one thing but you know you have really hit rock bottom when your name appears on a titanium condom machine! anyway you cant help to read the sales pitch in front of your nose.


there are usually up to four different categories: edible, glow in the dark, bikini style, and around the world goodie bag. all three choices crack me up so much i can barely do the job at task when standing in front of one these coin pinchers.





#1 Edible?


who besides your dog is going to eat a condom anyway? how can a condom be appealing as a meal, snack, or dessert for that matter? i think i will skip my next meal now. they cant sell many of those and if they do they probably only have to fill that spot back up once a year if ever.


and who decides the flavor and whose job is it to be the condom taste tester anyway. oh, i thought the guy that refilled the things had it bad. i can see someone answering the classified ads now: "taste tester for savory treats apply today and get a free box of trojans." and the pay? i don't want to speculate but that might explain the hidden R&D costs of the products at hand. they have strawberry, banana, and chocolate. i can maybe see the strawberry and banana flavors being a hit for some psycho, but chocolate? i mean where does the chocolate thing stop? chocolate milk, chocolate covered almonds, chocolate covered pretzels, but chocolate covered peckers just freak me out a bit.





#2 Glow in the dark


i love this option the best. who in Sam's hell is going to make their family jewels glow in the dark? why do you need your member to glow anyways? its not as if it can be detached from your body. "honey, have you seen my pecker anywhere?" i swear i left it in the closet somewhere, or by the dining room table, where the hell did i leave that thing?,,, OH, here it is! we left if my the nightstand! good thing we had a glow in the dark condom!" NO NO NO it is attached to you for a reason--so you wont loose it in dark places! am i missing something with this purchase? i mean a glowing body part during intimacy is a bit disturbing.





#3 bikini


i am a man, why would i buy anything called a bikini to put around the most masculine thing of my body? why not just have a category for dresses, ties, hats, or sweater vests to wrap around your unit? i can see a whole new section in target or walmart now... next to men's fashions "pecker wear" i think that might not go over well, especially here in south kakalaki, maybe we could do a test market in Miami or Vegas.. anyway i am not dressing it up for the party.





#4 around the world goodie bag


the around the world goodie bag definitely intrigues me a bit. "party favors from around the world" Just what countries partake in this smorgasbord of a goodie bag, and who voted that country in for their mix on the intimate props? From the first three categories i would be scared to pay my 75cents in fear i would get a sample of all three of the the other choices.





Back to the question before us. whose job is it anyway to sell these machines, install them, and refill them? i can see the lucky soul traveling all around the country in their retrofitted oscar meyer car with boxes of refills. if they got stranded in the mountains across country at least they would have plenty of things to entertain themselves with and they wouldn't starve either! i can hear their sales pitch now: everyone who enters the men's room has a pecker, right? sold! who cant agree with that, and its cash. 75cents a pop and you keep 25 every time some poor curious patron decides to get slapped by his wife.


they should really have a separate machine next to the condom machine that sells latex gloves, so that when you slide your quarters into the crusty metal box you can be assured that you will be well protected before you are well protected... another job created for another day.. so next time your at the truck stop, get a good laugh while you are forced to read the wall in front of you.